sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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