Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
