omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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