Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
