she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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