My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
