May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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