i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
