My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
