hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
