it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
did i walk over a car last night?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Randomize
