yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Threesome in a minivan. New low
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
