I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
