Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
