is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I smell stomach acid.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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