ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
