Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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