You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
