She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
