if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Nicole vs. Life
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
