You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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