I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
