i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
