cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
