u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
