Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Your cock deserves a montage
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
