Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
