"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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