You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize