I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
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