Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
This is my gift to your gina
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
