Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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