I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize