just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
