i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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