Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize