I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
