She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
