thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
