Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
