oh god the rape fog is back!
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
