I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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