The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
