i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize