I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
