Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
