If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
