She said her name was "party"
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
