So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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