dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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