i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
