I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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