So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize