I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Just fell off a train. Bad.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I need a burrito and a hug.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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