New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Randomize