Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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