I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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