dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
