oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
