Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
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