I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
