bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Randomize
